Warning: Hacks for Hacks tips may have harmful side effects on your writing career, and should not be used by minors, adults, writers, poets, scribes, scriveners, journalists, or anybody.

Everybody loves the smash-hit TV show Ted Lasso from Apple TV+. The ongoing saga of Jason Sudeikis as an aw-shucks football coach from Kansaz who gets hired as a Premier League soccer coach in London is equal parts hilarious and heartwarming. Expertly performed, directed, and written, Ted Lasso is a masterclass of writing lessons for everyone from the most famous of authors to the hackiest of hacks. I’m a little bit of both, so here’s what I learned from watching Ted Lasso.

• On work habits: Don’t binge a bunch of Ted Lasso episodes when you’ve got a deadline approaching. Look, we all love the show, and its themes of kindness and belief in oneself are qualities that all writers should take to heart. But be honest—are you really looking for inspiration? Or are you just procrastinating? Mm-hmm, I thought so. As a reward for your honesty, you may watch up to two (2) sketches from I Think You Should Leave on Netflix.
• On self-confidence (#BELIEVE): Whether you’re a writer, a football coach, or a futbol coach, few things are as indispensable as believing in yourself in spite of the many, many people who think—with good reason!—that you will fail in spectacular fashion.
• On researching different cultures: Your faux-British accent is neither convincing nor charming. Furthermore, trying to convey it in print is an insult to Britons and Americans alike. Seriously, what were you thinking?
• On vocabulary: Think twice before using British swears. You know the ones I mean.
• On how some things don’t translate: Throughout the series, Ted is confused by the most basic rules of the most popular sport in the world. It just goes to show that, no matter how popular something is, there are still lots of people who don’t know the first thing about it. This is also true on a meta-level—despite the show Ted Lasso receiving significant accolades and multiple awards, many people haven’t watched it. If you haven’t, don’t feel bad. As a 40-something dad, I know a thing or two about being oblivious to pop culture. But as a writer, I also know a good deal about depression and self-loathing, so getting to feel smug and superior to all the chumps who haven’t watched Ted Lasso is really a form of self-care. 
• On style: Growing a Ted Lasso-esque mustache will not improve your writing. I have learned this the hard way. However, growing a beard like Coach Beard may work as a disguise when your creditors come knocking at your door. This is a lesson my bill collectors learned the hard way.

• photo by Jarrett Campbell

  On taking a bank holiday: As on television, so it is in life—Cashing in your chips and starting a new life in a distant locale will not solve your problems. What writer hasn’t dreamed of abandoning their current life and jetting off to another country to live a life of art? However, not only will the same old problems be waiting for you across the pond, they’ll also have those weird English spellings, so watch out for writre’s block, procrastinationne, and attention-deficit disourder.

• On your career: My biggest takeaway from watching Ted Lasso is that, if you’re an advice columnist, processing an artwork you enjoy into a slurry of zeitgeisty online content is a pretty reliable gimmick. Is it lazy? Sure. Is it a desperately cynical ploy to harvest more clicks from search engines? You betcha. But is there a positive characteristic that overcomes the two negatives I just mentioned? I can’t think of one, but like Coach Lasso says, I’m gonna #BELIEVE there is.

What writing lessons have you learned from Ted Lasso (or another show)? TV has taught us all so much, so share what you’ve learned in the comments!